People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings.

Exercises for Chapter 8

image1.emf Exercises III: Reflective Listening

Reflective Listening I

Instructions:  People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.

Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response—a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading “Useful Responses.”

1. “When I was in court, the defense attorney really pounded me. You know, like he thought I was lying or didn’t believe me or thought I was exaggerating.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

2. “Those dirty, lousy creeps! Everything was fine in my life, and they really, really ruined everything! I don’t care if I go on or not. Why live if someone can just take everything away from you in one night?”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

3. “I know you said this is temporary housing and all, but I never had a place like this place. I can’t stand to think I have to move again sometime, and God knows where I’ll go.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

4. “This whole setup is the pits. He gets to stay in the house after beating me half to death, and I have to go to this cramped little room. Does that make sense?”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.

Reflective Listening II

Instructions:  People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.

Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response—a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading “Useful Responses.”

1. “Sometimes it kind of makes me sick to think of all the stuff I did when I was drinking. I’d like to go and take it all back, but how do you ever do that?”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

2. “I just can’t go out in the car. All I hear is the screech of tires and the awful thud and scrape of metal. I thought I was dying. I can see it all before me as if it was yesterday.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

3. “We have a neighborhood problem here! Yes we do! A real big idiot lives in that house. A real nut! He trimmed my own yard with a string trimmer and threw stones all over my car. Ruined the paint!”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

4. “I never meant to get pregnant. I know everyone says that, but I didn’t! I can’t think straight. What about my job and school and all my plans? I feel sick. I feel all the time like I’m going to faint.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.

Reflective Listening III

Instructions:  People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.

Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response—a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading “Useful Responses.”

1. “I can tell you now, I just can’t go back there. I just feel as if my husband will kill me one of these times.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

2. “I can’t stand those people! They made fun of that retarded kid night and day. I hope they get theirs!”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

3. “I’ve been clean for 8 months! If you had told me this would happen a year ago, I’d have laughed in your face.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

4. “When I was a little kid, my mom and dad got along okay, but now they fight all the time, and my mother says my dad is on drugs and has a girlfriend. Home is like hell.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.

Reflective Listening IV

Instructions:  People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.

Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response—a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading “Useful Responses.”

1. “When I took that test, it was really hard. And I guess I was nervous. I mean, I couldn’t think of any of the answers.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

2. “Those guys are lousy! They’re always snickering and making fun of other people, especially people who have a disability. They make me sick!”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

3. “I know Jim said we could be buddies at swim practice, but I’m probably not as good a swimmer as he is. I feel sort of silly trying to swim with him. Maybe he would like to have a better buddy.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

4. “This whole setup sucks. This other guy gets the tutor, and the teacher tells me to go home and see if my mother can tutor me. She never had this math. Math isn’t even her thing. Does that make sense?”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.

Reflective Listening V

Instructions:  People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.

Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response—a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading “Useful Responses.”

1. “Well, every time I go off my meds, I get kind of crazy. My minister is really putting the pressure on me to quit and let God take over my illness.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

2. “The people at the halfway house are so nice to me, compared to the way things were with my family.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

3. “You have some nerve, having the therapist see my son every week for 6 months, and then you refuse to tell me more than ‘he’s doing better.’ How do I know he’s doing better?”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

4. “I’ve been on the streets since 1972, and I never slept inside a night until now. I don’t know, I just can’t seem to stay out like I used to without getting this cough.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

Instructions Part II:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.

Reflective Listening VI

Instructions:  People communicate words and ideas, and sometimes it seems appropriate to respond to the content of what someone has just said. Behind the words, however, lie the feelings. Often it is most helpful to respond to the feelings.

Following are statements made by people with problems. For each statement, first identify the feeling; write down the word you think best describes how the person might be feeling. Next, write a brief empathic response—a short sentence that includes the feeling. Refer to the sample openers provided in Chapter 7 under the heading “Useful Responses.”

1. “I can’t believe I was that intoxicated! I just don’t believe it. Their gizmo must have been broken or something. I just didn’t drink that much and I wouldn’t be driving if I had!”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

2. “You don’t expect us to take Alfred into our home, do you? He is very mentally ill—tore up the house several times. I really—well, I know he’s my son, but I just can’t deal with the way he’s been in the past.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

3. “I can tell you what scares me most. It’s being by myself at the house one night and having him come back. I don’t know if I can go on living there.”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

4. “I just can’t go to class. Not after making a fool of myself the last time. I got every answer wrong when the teacher called on me, and people were making fun. . . . It was terrible!”

FEELING:

EMPATHIC RESPONSE:

Instructions Part VI:  Now go back and respond to the content in each of these vignettes.

Appendix B

Vocabulary of Emotions

Happiness Caring Depression Inadequateness Fear Confusion Hurt Anger Loneliness Remorse
Strong Delighted

Ebullient

Ecstatic

Elated

Energetic

Enthusiastic

Euphoric

Excited

Exhilarated

Overjoyed

Thrilled

Tickled pink

Turned on

Vibrant

Zippy

Adoring

Ardent

Cherishing

Compassionate

Crazy about

Devoted

Doting

Fervent

Idolizing

Infatuated

Passionate

Wild about

Worshipful

Zealous

Alienated

Barren

Beaten

Bleak

Bleeding

Dejected

Depressed

Desolate

Despondent

Dismal

Empty

Gloomy

Grieved

Grim

Hopeless

In despair

Woeful

Worried

Blemished

Blotched

Broken

Crippled

Damaged

False

Feeble

Finished

Flawed

Helpless

Impotent

Inferior

Invalid

Powerless

Useless

Washed up

Whipped

Worthless

Zero

Alarmed

Appalled

Desperate

Distressed

Frightened

Horrified

Intimidated

Panicky

Paralyzed

Petrified

Shocked

Terrified

Terror-stricken

Wrecked

Baffled

Befuddled

Chaotic

Confounded

Confused

Dizzy

Flustered

Rattled

Reeling

Shocked

Shook up

Speechless

Startled

Stumped

Stunned

Taken-aback

Thrown

Thunderstruck

Trapped

Abused

Aching

Anguished

Crushed

Degraded

Destroyed

Devastated

Discarded

Disgraced

Forsaken

Humiliated

Mocked

Punished

Rejected

Ridiculed

Ruined

Scorned

Stabbed

Tortured

Affronted

Belligerent

Bitter

Burned up

Enraged

Fuming

Furious

Heated

Incensed

Infuriated

Intense

Outraged

Provoked

Seething

Storming

Truculent

Vengeful

Vindictive

Wild

Abandoned

Black

Cut off

Deserted

Destroyed

Empty

Forsaken

Isolated

Marooned

Neglected

Ostracized

Outcast

Rejected

Shunned

Abashed

Debased

Degraded

Delinquent

Depraved

Disgraced

Evil

Exposed

Humiliated

Judged

Mortified

Shamed

Sinful

Wicked

Wrong

Medium Aglow

Buoyant

Cheerful

Elevated

Gleeful

Happy

In high spirits

Jovial

Light-hearted

Lively

Merry

Riding high

Sparkling

Up

Admiring

Affectionate

Attached

Fond

Fond of

Huggy

Kind

Kind-hearted

Loving

Partial

Soft on

Sympathetic

Tender

Trusting

Warm-hearted

Awful

Blue

Crestfallen

Demoralized

Devalued

Discouraged

Dispirited

Distressed

Downcast

Downhearted

Fed up

Lost

Melancholy

Miserable

Regretful

Rotten

Sorrowful

Tearful

Upset

Weepy

Ailing

Defeated

Deficient

Dopey

Feeble

Helpless

Impaired

Imperfect

Incapable

Incompetent

Incomplete

Ineffective

Inept

Insignificant

Lacking

Lame

Overwhelmed

Small

Substandard

Unimportant

Afraid

Apprehensive

Awkward

Defensive

Fearful

Fidgety

Fretful

Jumpy

Nervous

Scared

Shaky

Skittish

Spineless

Taut

Threatened

Troubled

Wired

Adrift

Ambivalent

Bewildered

Puzzled

Blurred

Disconcerted

Disordered

Disorganized

Disquieted

Disturbed

Foggy

Frustrated

Misled

Mistaken

Misunderstood

Mixed up

Perplexed

Troubled

Annoyed

Belittled

Cheapened

Criticized

Damaged

Depreciated

Devalued

Discredited

Distressed

Impaired

Injured

Maligned

Marred

Miffed

Mistreated

Resentful

Troubled

Used

Wounded

Aggravated

Annoyed

Antagonistic

Crabby

Cranky

Exasperated

Fuming

Grouchy

Hostile

Ill-tempered

Indignant

Irate

Irritated

Offended

Ratty

Resentful

Sore

Spiteful

Testy

Ticked off

Alienated

Alone

Apart

Cheerless

Companionless

Dejected

Despondent

Estranged

Excluded

Left out

Leftover

Lonely

Oppressed

Uncherished

Apologetic

Ashamed

Contrite

Culpable

Demeaned

Downhearted

Flustered

Guilty

Penitent

Regretful

Remorseful

Repentant

Shamefaced

Sorrowful

Sorry

Light Contented

Cool

Fine

Genial

Glad

Gratified

Keen

Pleasant

Pleased

Satisfied

Serene

Sunny

Appreciative

Attentive

Considerate

Friendly

Interested in

Kind

Like

Respecting

Thoughtful

Tolerant

Warm toward

Yielding

Blah

Disappointed

Down

Funk

Glum

Low

Moody

Morose

Somber

Subdued

Uncomfortable

Unhappy

Dry

Incomplete

Meager

Puny

Tenuous

Tiny

Uncertain

Unconvincing

Unsure

Weak

Wishful

Anxious

Careful

Cautious

Disquieted

Goose- bumpy

Shy

Tense

Timid

Uneasy

Unsure

Watchful

Worried

Distracted

Uncertain

Uncomfortable

Undecided

Unsettled

Unsure

Let down

Minimized

Neglected

Put away

Put down

Rueful

Tender

Touched

Unhappy

Bugged

Chagrined

Dismayed

Galled

Grim

Impatient

Irked

Petulant

Resentful

Sullen

Uptight

Blue

Detached

Discouraged

Distant

Insulated

Melancholy

Remote

Separate

Withdrawn

Bashful

Blushing

Chagrined

Chastened

Crestfallen

Embarrassed

Hesitant

Humble

Meek

Regretful

Reluctant

Sheepish

Source: Tom Drummond, North Seattle CC, tdrummon@me.com

©2016 Cengage Learning